When a new Asian supermarket recently opened on May 24 near my ‘hood, you can betcha my sister and I were stoked to check it out. I admit it… I get really excited over exploring new restaurants, cafés, bakeries, grocery stores, etc. to soothe my craving for new foodie experiences. Tingly fresh. No, foodie nirvana is not emotional eating. The latter is when you turn to food as an escape from self-awareness and/or negative emotions. Big diff. Moving on… while we were perusing the store’s goodies and chuckling over funny Asian product labels, my big seestah asked, “Your odd blog… puzzles me. Writing a new entry, soon?” It prompted thoughts on blog readership…
Of course, I’m referring to my blog’s readership: the crazy who and why. For example, my sis hits my blog more often than all those occasions when I bump my noggin on the ceiling of the tiny crawl space where my über fat cat’s nasty litter box is located. I clean that box every day. It’s a vicious cycle: first bump –> memory loss –> forget to duck head again –> second bump –> more memory loss, gawd. Eventually, I’ll be a drooling vegetable. My sister, my biggest fan… the one person on earth who knows me best… is puzzled by my blog entries… and yet, keeps coming back for more. Huh.
[ BEGIN COCKY BASTARD ALERT HERE! ]
… and check out these 3 hollers in particular from the previous entry (hi!):
- Amy (formerly of amy.sweetangelweb.com) commented, “Ooooh a deep and meaningful post! You always surprise us with your posts. I never know what direction they’re heading in.”
- Ralp commented, “Ahh. So deep, this post. Although I didn’t understand the rest… ”
- Alternati commented, “I love how you drift from one “idea to blog about” to the next seamlessly, and how you created a post about posting something you didn’t actually post (er… I got confused there as well).”
Awww, ding dong damn! I really wanted to come across as shallow. See a pattern? Confusion… and mistaking my shallow entries as meaningful. 
Next up, meet Shari of Misteryosa fame — winner of the Best Personal Blog trophy in the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards, commenter-machine hybrid, and self-described bi-polar chick who… gasp… has included my blog on her list of The Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs in 2007. Eh? Thanks! Shari wrote:
“Simply one of my most favorite blogs since… forever. Massa P is the bomb, I tell you all! The funniest thing about reading her blog is that I really have no idea what she’s talking about. ‘Nuff said, haha.”
Yeah, that’s high praise coming from Ms. Blogging Supahstah. Whereas she based her selections on blogs having what she calls the “oomphf factor” , my Top 10 picks have the… Oompa Loompa Chocolate Goodness factor. Uh-huh. FYI, if you want to join Janette Toral’s contest, go here for details.
M-m-many thanks to the other fabulous bloggers who also nominated me:
C5 (What’s On My Mind?), Lei (Cheese to go with my whine*), Mr. Jim Caro (Blogbastic!), zen (A Zestful Life), Abet (The Day’s Eye: Abet’s Musings atbp), and Archeia (deviantART). I’m currently tied for 6th in Week 3.
WAZZUP WITH THE POORLY FOCUSED PHOTOS OF FOOD PRODUCTS?
I snapped ‘em at the Asian grocery store. They were… calling out to me:
- The first photo above is a 500 g plastic bottle of MAYONNAISE from Japan labelled Food for ages 0-100. Wow, AGE ZERO. Who knew that mayonnaise should be fed to zygotes… fetuses… li’l Baby Jane? Incidentally, my blog apparently attracts 13-year old punks (which speaks volumes about my immaturity) & 85-year old grannies (maybe ’cause I like antiques, gardening and afternoon tea). I am so uncool.
- Speaking of zygotes… check out that bag of Semen Sterculiae… just CDN $1.29, whatta steal! Nope… not dried up semen of ewww whatever… but the seeds of the Sterculiae plant. Boil ‘em in water… for afternoon tea.
Medicinal effects: removes heat from the lung, cures sore throat, counteracts toxicity, and relaxes the bowels. 
- Lastly, bottles of… Nom Meow Essence? Uh, I’m hoping it’s not the liquid essence (extract) of pussy (cat, silly). And look, priced at just CDN $3.99! Can anyone tell me what Nom Meow Essence tastes like? Maybe, it tastes just like… chicken.
Another long ass post again… must stop bottling up thoughts for 8 days. Ya, my entire blog is an exercise in ego inflation. I sooo love myself.
[ END COCKY BASTARD ALERT HERE! ]
Adieu,
Massa P
P.S. Yes, I’m returning all comments. Just taking time… and meme tags…
… strangest mayonnaise ever. Apparently, if you get older than 100 you’re no longer allowed to eat it. Ever. Last time Mari checked, mayonnaise was a condiment, not actual food…
Another reason why outside cats are easier. You never have to clean litter boxes. The world is your cat’s litter box. Yay.
Hey, I’d like to see you whip up a dish with Mayonnaise, Semen Sterculiae and Nom Meow Essence… hahaha! You are… crackers.
RE: current blog music “M!ssundaztood” by P!nk… nice touch.
Seestah hits your blog… because I’m gathering evidence in case Mom, Dad and I need to commit you to an ASYLUM.
HAHAHA!
The evidence is mounting! It’s pile high! < ------ LOTS! ------>
-xoxoxoxoxo-
For me, food nirvana is definitely emotional eating. Lord bless me.
I love going to new places, especially when it comes to cuisine! I have to agree with Mari — it’s wrong to put an age limit on food, people DO live past 100 you know! :hmph: I love cats but hate litter boxes. Is it wrong to put a cat on a leash? :hrmm…:
Semen and tea… ech. WTH is Meow Essence? And the baby in the mayonesu is just freaky.
Okay, I’m so making a top 10 blog thingy entry (I’m rather articulate today) if only to give you another vote. The deadline’s in August so by Starfish time (w/c is a lot worse than Filipino time), I’d have one by the end of July. I will try to do it sooner. It’s gonna be the third post on my entries backlog. :p
Thanks for the mention, fruity! I must say, I’m a little euphoric.
0-100. Interesting. So past a hundred and the mayonnaise is a no-no?
The afternoon tea reminds me of the fried garlic my mom and I chanced upon yesterday. It says it reduces “asthmatic breath”. Haha. Apart from that, it’s got an A-Z list of medicinal effects… except, it only goes up to W.
I’m an avid stalker of your blog. I dunno why, but I got this feeling na nakakahiyang magcomment. Arrgh. Anyway, now I fought my fear.
Thanks for reading my blog.
You have a fan of writing here.
Yey, I saw my name.
About being lost in translation, all I can say is… if it smells good, it never tastes good!
We have that same Japanese mayo here in SG. Tastes great!
I’d buy it occasionally, but the Kraft Miracle Whip from the Philippines is still the mainstay mayo in my fridge.
Swell.
I heart Asian stores as well. There’s something in ‘em that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I dunno, weird packaging galore and the smell of my wallet burning, maybe?
I would never have guessed that was mayonnaise… I don’t think you are supposed to put babies outside of those - and now I understand why you can’t buy mayo in transparent wrapping around here - looks gross.
Visiting an Asian food market or store is really an adventure. Some of the names that they give these food products are just plain silly and hilarious. I remember one product, it was a rice cracker from Indonesia and the name was “Super Titi”. For non-Filipinos, the latter refers to the male organ. When I saw it, I couldn’t stop from laughing and couldn’t help but take a picture of it with my camera phone. Hehe.
Btw, love your favicon!
Nice to see you blogging again my dearest.
I also like to take trips to Asian stores coz you get to see some weird stuff and also I get my fix of some Pinoy food there as well.
I agree. You have been hypnotizing bloggers with your deep zygotical thoughts.
I love youoooooooo fruity!!!
Kiss
Fendi
I’m like that as well… breaking into new stores when they just opened. But… but… sometimes… not right away coz I never get the chance to.
I still have three slots. I’ll include you na so you can hit the 5… and you should.
I’ll link as well, so that I can visit here always from now on. 
Have a nice day!!!
Omfg, 500 g of mayonnaise? *-* I’d kill for that one. xD
And checking out new stores is always fun. Lately, the supermarket just around the corner had extended its opening hours from 8 am to 10 pm. I was like, “Omg, I have to see what’s going on there at 9:30 pm.” Well, I did and I can say it’s not really different, but it was a fun experience, though.
Chinese people come up with the straaaaangest things. Haha!
Oh, and that semen thingy made me laugh. If I hadn’t read what that thing really was, I would’ve mistaken it for buffalo testicles or something. Haha!
Doing my best Drag Queen impersonation of Whitney Houston:
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.
You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I’ll always, I’ll always love you.
… even though you’re not a Gay Man. Too bad, too sad.
I can’t believe it took me this long to finally get to read the great blog of fruityoaty! What a lame-ass I’ve been! Hahaha!
You write with the creativity of a comedian and the brilliance of a novelist! You can add that to your ego boosting moment! I AM NOW HOOKED… I wonder if there’s still room in the fruity fan bandwagon! Haha!
I will definitely link you up!
“Food for ages 0 - 100″, wahahahaha! I love poorly translated labels!
Haha, I remember seeing that mayo bottle. I was looking at it and I was wondering what in the world it could be. I was curious and I removed it from its packaging. I opened it and since the bottle was slippery, it got wet all over the place.
LOL, I’ve seen those before… I didn’t know what it was before and I found out that it was mayo… I must say the bottle is quite squishy and it’s fun to touch, HAHAHAHA!
Love that mayo!
Hey, I know that mayo brand! The baby logo is so popular… and weird! Can’t believe it says that!
Weird, weird stuff in those type of groceries. I was fortunate enough that I could read a little Chinese, else I would have bought cat or dog meat dumplings when I was in Beijing in 2003.
OMG, we use that 0-100 Japanese mayonnaise! I’m in love with that thing. We have like six of that in our refrigerator…
I get excited when a new place opens like that. You might like World Market; it’s a big store with all sorts of food from around the world.
It’s nice that your sister reads your blog. I wouldn’t mind if my sister read mine, just as long as it’s not my mother.
Haha omg! I’ve SEEN that mayonnaise at a local Asian food store! Lol, I remember it not because of the 0-100 thing, but because I thought the idea of Kewpie Doll mayonnaise was ridiculous…
Haha, I’m glad to see that I’m not the only person who enjoys going to Asian supermarkets! My cousin and I go to one near my house every once in a while. It’s amazing.
Awww shit benta yung mga Engrish! :)) Well, just in case you reach 100.
Hmmmm, perhaps you need to mix the “Semen Sterculiae” with the “Nom Meow Essence” and add a smidgen of the Japanese MAYONNAISE to get your own concoction of Viagra!!
I would be more concerned about buying mayonnaise that came all the way from Japan… Wouldn’t it go off? Maybe I’m being naive about the modern ways of transporting food… Nonetheless new markets are always fun.
Hey, what’s up?
I do frequent Asian shops here too and there are a lot of weird and/or funny product labels. I love mayo on fish, but I don’t think I would use one that came all the way from Japan with a baby on its label.
I want an Asian food store in my town as well! But my town is so terribly small we have NOTHING out of the ordinary, BLAH!
Um, eeeew?
Asian food. Oh man. Why is it that Asian food usually comes out in weird packaging?
Mayonnaise is so unhealthy, so the thought of feeding it to people from egg to bed ridden invalids just totally cracks me up!
But um, the essence of Meow? Please don’t have any kitty parts in it!
Indeed, you were lost in translation, but in the end you were able to identify what they are for.
I too was lost in translation in Beijing where I had a 6-month posting a few years back. I had to feed myself, and most of the restaurants did not have English menus. What did I do, in case there were no pictures? I just looked around, looked at what people were eating, and whatever caught my fancy — I would show to the waiter. Most of the time, though I was satisfied with my choice.
LOL, I actually thought you were trying to make a deep and meaningful post by using shallow references. I think the use of quotes instantly makes something more deep than it should be.
Your sister is puzzled by your posts too? Phew! Good to see it’s not only me.
I really like your unique style though, even if I’m often puzzled by it. It’s very different.
Those photographs are keepers, that’s for sure. You should frame them and hang them up.
It’s sometimes difficult to portray what you really mean over the Internet. Things that would be supported by body language, tone, expressions and such are lost in a sea of text. It is interesting how different people perceive text, especially over the Internet.
Now hand over that Meow Essence.
I cracked at the first picture. Our neighbor gave us that mayo bottle last year. I really thought that it’s some breastmilk substitute. I didn’t taste it. I thought it was scary.
I just noticed your smilies!! They’re so cute. Take careeee!!!
You know, I REALLY admire you for being able to keep track of your thoughts… I have so many random ideas and thoughts throughout every single day that when I finally find time to sit down and blog, I find that I’ve forgotten AT LEAST 3/4 of it. It’s crazy. And incredibly frustrating. Ack. Haha.
I love coming here. It’s so refreshing. *hugs your blog* I must say, Massa P is the best!
Haha! That made me snort! :p You and your blog…
Dang that Top 10 blogs. Maybe I can set up another blog and vote again? Haha.
Hi there. Not that I found my cybersister of the strange moon, but I feel a little affinity for the random thoughts you are spewing all at one time. In my lurking mode to fill in the remaining list of my influential blogs, I took time out to visit you all and found my journey delightfully tricky, aimless and yet, filling.
So I chanced upon your posts. Some photos, I dare say, will go well with my now “infamous collection” called SIGN OFF! Though I have a blog, my precious collection of offbeat signs are in witerary.com. There, your donated Japanese product pics will go well with my “Ded Shit”, “One Minute Dispel Horniness Cream” and moisturizer I bought but wouldn’t dare use: DEEP SHITEN & GLOWING SKIN CREAM. Carry on!
Hey, this is the first time I’ve read your blog but I’ll be back! It is nothing but randomness, but somehow captivating. Keep it up!!
I love the things you find in Asian supermarkets, but you have to be quick because the smell is always too overwhelming for me!
Imagine eating food with names / labels like that. Scary!
Hah, I never realized what strange product labeling can be found in Asian grocery stores, haha. I wonder what fetuses think about the taste of mayo. I personally find it disgusting, but that’s just me!
Haha, I saw that mayonnaise in supermarkets here too (NZ) and my friend and I really found the age thing funny. We were cracking up and making jokes about it when we first saw it, lol.
Wow! That is one weird mayonnaise. =P
Hey, I love the idea of a 1-100 food. After all, the old folks often have no teeth so they suck on food. And why not let them!
Lady, your blog is a winner for this sinner… Keep it up, but not too much of that kitty stroking now, ok?
I just picked up a bottle of Nom Meow myself… It sure does smell good!
As far as my research suggests, it’s a sweet vanilla-flavoured yeast-type extract, that’s not actually extracted from yeast. Something about potato starches? Sometimes goes by the name of “Amyle Essence”… a name of equally head-scratching quality. But it’s used extensively in Thai dessert baking. I hope that eases everyone’s mayonnaise headaches for the time being.
@Kitty LePew: Ah, thanks for clearing that up!