Lost in Translation at the Asian Supermarket

500 g bottle of mayonnaise. Food, for ages 0-100?

When a new Asian supermarket recently opened on May 24 near my ‘hood, you can betcha my sister and I were stoked to check it out. I admit it… I get really excited over exploring new restaurants, cafés, bakeries, grocery stores, etc. to soothe my craving for new foodie experiences. Tingly fresh. No, foodie nirvana is not emotional eating. The latter is when you turn to food as an escape from self-awareness and/or negative emotions. Big diff. Moving on… while we were perusing the store’s goodies and chuckling over funny Asian product labels, my big seestah asked, “Your odd blog… puzzles me. Writing a new entry, soon?” It prompted thoughts on blog readership…

Of course, I’m referring to my blog’s readership: the crazy who and why. For example, my sis hits my blog more often than all those occasions when I bump my noggin on the ceiling of the tiny crawl space where my über fat cat’s nasty litter box is located. I clean that box every day. It’s a vicious cycle: first bump –> memory loss –> forget to duck head again –> second bump –> more memory loss, gawd. Eventually, I’ll be a drooling vegetable. My sister, my biggest fan… the one person on earth who knows me best… is puzzled by my blog entries… and yet, keeps coming back for more. Huh.

[ BEGIN COCKY BASTARD ALERT HERE! ]

… and check out these 3 hollers in particular from the previous entry (hi!):

Amy (formerly of amy.sweetangelweb.com) commented, “Ooooh a deep and meaningful post! You always surprise us with your posts. I never know what direction they’re heading in.”
Ralph (formerly of notsuperrman.luved.net) commented, “Ahh. So deep, this post. Although I didn’t understand the rest… “
Alternati commented, “I love how you drift from one “idea to blog about” to the next seamlessly, and how you created a post about posting something you didn’t actually post (er… I got confused there as well).”

Awww, ding dong damn! I really wanted to come across as shallow. See a pattern? Confusion… and mistaking my shallow entries as meaningful.

Next up, meet Shari of Misteryosa fame — winner of the Best Personal Blog trophy in the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards, commenter-machine hybrid, and self-described bi-polar chick who… gasp… has included my blog on her list of The Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs in 2007. Eh, what?! Thanks! Shari wrote:

“Simply one of my most favorite blogs since… forever. Massa P is the bomb, I tell you all! The funniest thing about reading her blog is that I really have no idea what she’s talking about. ‘Nuff said, haha.”

Yeah, that’s high praise coming from Ms. Blogging Supahstah. Whereas she based her selections on blogs having what she calls the “oomphf factor”, my Top 10 picks have the… Oompa Loompa Chocolate Goodness factor. Uh-huh. FYI, if you want to join Janette Toral’s contest, go here for details.

M-m-many thanks to the other fabulous bloggers who also nominated me:
C5 (What’s On My Mind?), Lei (Cheese to go with my whine*), Mr. Jim Caro (Blogbastic!), zen (A Zestful Life), Abet (The Day’s Eye: Abet’s Musings atbp), and Archeia (deviantART). I’m currently tied for 6th in Week 3.

2 oz bag of Semen Sterculiae, CDN $1.29 each

25 g Bottles of Nom Meow Essence, CDN $3.99 each

WAZZUP WITH THE POORLY FOCUSED PHOTOS OF FOOD PRODUCTS?

I snapped ‘em at the Asian grocery store. They were… calling out to me:

The first photo above is a 500 g plastic bottle of MAYONNAISE from Japan labelled Food for ages 0-100. Wow, AGE ZERO. Who knew that mayonnaise should be fed to zygotes… fetuses… li’l Baby Jane? Incidentally, my blog apparently attracts 13-year old punks (which speaks volumes about my immaturity) & 85-year old grannies (maybe ’cause I like antiques, gardening and afternoon tea). I am so uncool.
Speaking of zygotes… check out that bag of Semen Sterculiae… just CDN $1.29, whatta steal! Nope… not dried up semen of ewww whatever… but the seeds of the Sterculiae plant. Boil ‘em in water… for afternoon tea. Medicinal effects: removes heat from the lung, cures sore throat, counteracts toxicity, and relaxes the bowels.
Lastly, bottles of… Nom Meow Essence? Uh, I’m hoping it’s not the liquid essence (extract) of pussy (cat, silly). And look, priced at just CDN $3.99! Can anyone tell me what Nom Meow Essence tastes like? Maybe, it tastes just like… chicken.