Whoo-hoo, the NBC drama series Heroes returns tonight! It's a ticking countdown to 0.7%, the title of the 19th episode. If you're a big fan of the show, watch the above YouTube video. It's a hilarious parody of Heroes featuring Zeroes. Zeroes are ordinary people with relatively pointless, ordinary hidden abilities. Zeroes walk among us.
NOTE: If you can't hear audio for whatever reasons, I've transcribed the audio of the video. Scroll down below to the postscript for a really short transcript.
Oh yeah, I snatched a Blog of the Day Award two days ago. It's Super... Zeroic.
Well, you just know that after watching that, I donned my spiffy & fruity chef's apron and cooked up my very own list of Top 5 Relatively Pointless Abilities. Of course, some would argue that all or some of the abilities in this list are... ehrm, so useful. The twist? The 5 are real. Marinate on this:
- Self-fellatio à la Shortbus... that artsy sex romp flick that premiered at 2006 TIFF. If you haven't seen the film yet, take a few seconds and wrap your mouth mind around the context of self-fellatio. When I saw it at TIFF last year, I was highly impressed with the... extreme bendyness of that guy (who apparently spent 3 months in rigorous training for the scene). I recall sitting in that audience and seeing with my peripheral vision... filmgoers cocking their head left to right, following the movements of the dude flipping upside down and doing his... schtick. Betcha some people took up yoga right after, LOL. Oh yeah, the director John Cameron Mitchell and actress Sook-Yin Lee participated in an informative Q & A session right after the screening. Funniest question asked: "Is there a Shortbus in Toronto?" Yes, it's called TTC, The Better Way. (OK... Sorry, that was a lame, peculiar joke.)
- Even if you weren't born at the time or you were just barely walking when Twin Peaks aired from 1990 to 1991, you might have caught some reruns or heard about this pop culture iconic serial drama from David Lynch. Who could ever forget Bad Girl Audrey Horne (played by Sherilyn Fenn)... and her ability to knot a cherry stem inside her mouth, using her tongue and teeth? If this essential skill eludes you, hop on over to this how-to guide, muahahaha! They walk among us.
- Every year, tens of thousands converge in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York, at the site of Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest to watch a bunch of fat crazies scarf up as many hot dogs as they can within the time allowed. How (and why?) anyone could willingly eat that many hot dogs... boggles me. I suppose plenty of gay men and Mr. Shortbus bendy dude would know... mustard, condiments, condoms.
- They walk among us... Super Zeroic bloggers who can blog every day, return almost all the comments on their own blog, surf hundreds of other sites and leave comments on those sites. How? I'm telling y'all, they're not human! It's... Rise of the Machines... although apparently, Blogging Terminators (Terminatrixes?) go on blogging hiatus, too.
- And lastly, the ability of some evil super genius-y software testers to make some software developers cry softly and whimper in their cubbyholes. "What, my algorithm is flawed? But, how... ? I've got a computer science degree... and I floss my teeth flawlessly, too!"
She sells seashells by the seashore! Quick, say that 5 times fast! Faster! Now, you too have a relatively pointless ability. You walk among them.
Oh yeah, I took The Heroes Personality Test and I'm... Peter Petrelli. My sister, who scored Ando... said that she wasn't surprised by my results. Yes, actually... me neither. Best quality: Empathy. Worst quality: EMO. 
This entry is dedicated to my friend, Ou'tis... who sneers at the s-s-super banal Zeroic powers of Dirty Pop, dirty dirty pop culture. Yes, I'll post 300 Movie, Part 3. Soon, relax. In the meantime, you can go suck on a hot dog or twist a cherry stem. Just make sure you floss your teeth right after.
QUESTION: What's your relatively pointless Zeroic ability? (Moooo. Mu?)
Adieu,
Massa P aka "fruity" pop
P.S. Transcribed audio for the Zeroes video:
"Ready? Camera?" / "Yeah." / "Yeah? OK." / "Ohmygod, Cindy!" / "That was attempt number 42. Next time, I'm going to try my foot in my mouth."
They are here. Walking among us. Seemingly normal people with special qualities. They cannot fly or teleport, though that would be nice! But still, they do have hidden powers. They are ordinary people. "I can touch my tongue to my nose." With relatively pointless abilities. How does it feel to kick yourself in the back of your own head? If you could balance a flip phone on your nose, would you use it to save the world? And still, would others use their bendyness for evil purposes? How is the foot writer connected to the straw-playing guy? Perhaps each will walk alone with their own abilities. "I can do a stomach thingy." Powers that no human can wield or would be caught dead wielding. The time is here. Their fate is now. They are ordinary people with ordinary abilities. They are Zeroes.
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Somewhat related, but if you haven't seen it already, go to the video store and rent Hedwig and the Angry Inch (with John Cameron Mitchell in it). It's a classic!
The parody is hilarious! Madtv has their own parody on the show and it's also funny!
I would love to have a pointless ability! Better start working on one! They walk among us…
I'm sooo glad you got that blog award because your blog has always entertained me.
Hehe, so according to your test, I'm "Mr. Bennet"… HAHAHA.
"You are one mysterious person with mysterious motives." 
Where's Jack Bauer?
And belated congrats for getting the Best Blog of the Day award.
I'm really liking the Heroes show on TV. Though I am begining to wonder if this is turning into some sort of X-Men type of show.
Could Linderman be Professor X or Magneto?
I don't get to watch Heroes here because it clashes with some shows hubby is watching. Grrrr… He owns the TV when there is NHL Ice Hockey on. He even gets up early on a non-working day when it is on.
I have pointless abilities too but it's pointless to even point them out.
Well done for getting another award.
I answered the quiz too and I got Peter Petrelli as well. He sucks. Haha! I love Eden's power. I can basically get anything I want from that. LOL. But of course, I'll use it for something good. (Yuh right!)
I wanna watch Shortbus too!
I am definitely coming back to your blog! It's been a while since I've really enjoyed reading a post. Thank you!
Oh, I watched Shortbus with my sister a few weeks ago and I thought it was really interesting — loved the psychological bit (both of us have a Psych degree).
Hmmn… must take that test. I haven't been able to watch Heroes lately. Hehe. Been catching up on Grey's Anatomy. And I'm still mooning over Supernatural… ack!
BTW, congrats on the award!
Ahaha! You love watching HEROES? Cool show, right? Ahaha, I want the cheerleader's ability! Ahaha! ;p
Ei, I got the DVD of it… whole Season 1. Ahaha, I can't wait for Season 2! Ahahaha, I gotta take that personality test too! Ahahha.
Take Care!
-xoxo-
Oi vey! Congratulations dear! Hahaha, that is such a funny parody! And yeah Shari is quite the champ indeed!
Haha, very interesting blog. Sook-Yin Lee used to be a MuchMusic VJ. She's always been weird. In one of the movies she starred / created, she actually had intercourse with the actor.
I don't watch Heroes… but I would definitely watch Zeroes… lol! Too funny! Is it too late for me to start watching now?
Would my sick twisted sense of humour count as a Zero power???
Save the cheerleader, save the world!
Cool video!
Wow… congratulations on getting that award! Whoot!
Hehe… I've always wanted to see Heroes. Hayden looks sooo cute!
Hey, congrats on the award.
I actually did the cherry thing once as a kid. I gotta try it again… Someone taught me how to back then.
Peter huh? I got Mr. Bennett!
No real powers… hopefully Batman like hehe… 
Heya, fruity! Thank you so much for the greet and the wise and kind words. I'll keep that in mind.
Congratulations for stealing another award! You are so good with these things. Keep it up!
Haha! I've heard about Heroes but never got a chance to watch it. People at work have been raving about the show. I've been told about the spoofs too. I just might try to catch it sometime.
Well, I can't really watch it on my computer because it's stupid. Lol. And I'm not a big fan of Heroes, either.
Woohooo!!! Why does that show never come to Sweden or have I missed it?
It's really nice! Zeroes kul!!
I have a pointless ability too! Lol! What's your fruity?
Kiss
Fendi
Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
That is what I truly want to be
'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener
Everyone would be in love with me.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I almost ran away when I entered your site because I was afraid you had posted a Heroes spoiler! I am so excited to watch the new episodes too!
I think Peter Petrelli is a cool hero but I hate his hair! EMO!
Haha, yay! Congratulations on the win! I read the comment left by BOTDA and I was pretty excited for you! Yay!
I've been wanting to see Shortbus since… I read about it! It seems interesting, really. Real sex on cam! Now that's just crazy!
I wanna be Ali Larter. Her character. Boo. She's wicked! Just wicked.
I get to surf only under a hundred sites a day. LOL. I just return comments. It's not THAT bad, isn't it?
I have another pointless ability! I can fart without people knowing it was me! I should be in Zeroes! Haha! Video = lololololol!!! LAUGH!