fruityoaty.com

A YouTube video of iBuzz Two, “… the world’s first music-activated sex toy for couples. Plug in two sets of headphones and you and your partner can simultaneously listen to your music and enjoy the sensations from two vibrating bullets. With a skin-safe rabbit stimulator for her and a cock ring for him, only iBuzz Two gives you music-activated vibrations, 4 pulsing patterns and 11 speeds for pitch-perfect orgasms.” OK, quit watchin’ it!

As a quality assurance analyst, I can’t help but wonder about what kind of rigorous product testing the iBuzz Two went through. The who, how and how many. I mean, just think for a moment about all the repercussions of faulty engineering. Electrocution and lawsuits. For gawd’s sake man, think of the injuries! And… and… and… oh, the scenario at the hospital ER? Now, try explaining THAT to the doctors and your parents. Betcha, you’re not so iBuzzed about it now, are ya? Ground control to Major Tom. Uh-huh.

Looooong before I had read about the OhMiBod (a music-powered vibrator for the iPod… for the umm… budding soloist) in this post by Infektia.net and the iBuzz Two in this post by Infektia.net, I ran an OhMiBlogPoll on my blog last December which posed this question, “If you were stuck on a deserted island and you could only keep one of these, you’d choose…?”

After reading 4 recent entries by 3 bloggers, I saw a pattern amongst my readers and other bloggers, and revisited the meaning of those poll results.

I ran this month-long poll from December 5, 2006 to January 5, 2007 for the purpose of trying to gauge the nature of my readers. Remember it? IP logging was turned on to prevent “stuffing the ballot box” or voting more than once. The poll used both cookies and IP logging to try to prevent users from cheating (that means you + Jude). Drum roll… and the results:

Percentage breakdown of deserted island (get) bare essentials:
34% - Sex toys
24% - iPod with 4-month battery supply
19% - Urkel from “Family Matters” TV show
14% - Food for 3 weeks
9% - Books

Of course, the results tell me that a huge number of my blog visitors… are apparently a bunch of horn dawgs who don’t know how to dance to Madonna’s Get into the Groove and Peter Gabriel’s Shock the Monkey to the beat of their own… hands. Wow, plus a whopping 24% attached to their iPods… Well, that makes 34% + 24% = 58% who are slaves to the Rhythm Nation. She bop, he bop, do wop. It all makes sense to me now.

The 19% for Urkel… tells me that those readers are either strange, highly tolerant of annoying personalities and/or very practical. Well, Urkel is a smart nerd who can probably figure out how to get you both off the island (or get you off, if your iPod’s battery dies out and you’re really desperate) and food-wise, counts as 3-weeks of Silence of the LambSpam munchies.)

And the low 9% for books? OK, it means I’m going to have start including more pictures in my entries… and less words (double spaced). If I learned anything from Psych 101, it would be Sigmund Freud’s pleasure principle and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (apparently, many of the respondents are very much focused on their… lower nether regions needs). You = Food + Sex… which explains why food and porn sites are so popular on the Net.

Also, I recently read 2 entries by Shari — Fill Me Up with OhMiBod! and Naked Day, Yo! (the latter is about CSS Naked Day)… hopped over to a reader’s entry titled “Why Haven’t I Bagged A Date Yet?” (blogger bemoans his deficient love life and talks about Bao Xishun, the world’s tallest man. Bao Xishun, a 56-year old herdsman from Inner Mongolia recently married a 29-year old saleschick after a long selection process involving a lot of willing female applicants!)… and lastly, I read this entry where Ms. Juice answers, “Easy! I’d have sex! Wooooooo” to this question Jhed asked her, “If you were to be a guy for a day, what would you do?” (fruity sez: You don’t need a schlong to have a lot of schex, but schociety does label over-schexed women… schluts.)

Gimme a sec… (the evil brain cogs are turnin’)

Methinks that maybe if a blogger spent less time on blogging, he/she would have more time for schex. (Why I have suddenly developed a lisp?)

Uh yeah, while y’all go and rush online to order your OhMiBods and iBuzz Twos, I think I’ll stick to my sexy icombi AH10 Bluetooth wireless stereo headphone for my iPod. It’s perfect for shutting out the real or virtual voices of people I don’t want to hear. Excellent noise cancellation.

Yeah, go ahead… dance. Do the iPod Shuffle. Do your iPod Shuffle. But I warned you about possible electrocution. (Yes, some wily entrepreneurs out there will probably create many different versions of the iBuzz Two: Him-Him, Her-Her, the eco-friendly Al Gore, Krispy Kreme donut flavour, Magic 8-Balls, the nifty glow-in-the-dark, in different shades of fuchsia, lime, orange or hot pink, solar powered, IKEA-Assemble-Your-Own, the Mass Orgy Rave iBuzz 10+, and the Super Fitness SeXercise Xtreme.)

Alriiiight, my lovely fruitees… Massa P is going to be off MSN Messenger and e-mail for approx. 2 - 3 weeks and possibly ease off or quit blogging altogether (well, it depends on inspiration… i.e. working on a new layout and re-tooling writing focus). I’m beginning to hate the negative aspects of blogging - unfriendly comments and e-mails from complete strangers… which of course, y’all never see on my blog because it’s called “I can censor you-know-who-you-are, if I want to, a - - hole.” So tiresome.

Anyway, disconnecting and connecting to reality.

Peace, love and kisses. Until then, I bid y’all…

Adieu,

P