iBuzz Two, "... the world's first music-activated sex toy for couples. Plug in two sets of headphones and you and your partner can simultaneously listen to your music and enjoy the sensations from two vibrating bullets. With a skin-safe rabbit stimulator for her and a cock ring for him, only iBuzz Two gives you music-activated vibrations, 4 pulsing patterns and 11 speeds for pitch-perfect orgasms." Oh. My. Gosh. Ooh la la!
As a quality assurance analyst, I can't help but wonder about what kind of rigorous product testing the iBuzz Two went through. The who, how and how many. I mean, just think for a moment about all the repercussions of faulty engineering. Electrocution and lawsuits. For gawd's sake man, think of the injuries! And... and... and... oh, the scenario at the hospital ER? Now, try explaining THAT to the doctors and your parents. Betcha, you're not so iBuzzed about it now, are you? Ground control to Major Tom.
Looooong before I had read about the OhMiBod (a music-powered vibrator for the iPod... for the umm... budding soloist) and the iBuzz Two, I ran an OhMiBlogPoll on my blog last December which posed this question, "If you were stuck on a deserted island and you could only keep one of these, you'd choose...?" 
I ran this month-long poll from December 5, 2006 to January 5, 2007 for the purpose of trying to gauge the nature of my readers. Remember it? I enabled IP logging to prevent "stuffing the ballot box" or voting more than once. The poll used both cookies and IP logging to try to prevent users from cheating (that means you + Jude). Drum roll... and the results:
Percentage breakdown of deserted island (get) bare essentials:
34% - Sex toys
24% - iPod with 4-month battery supply
19% - Urkel from "Family Matters" TV show
14% - Food for 3 weeks
9% - Books
Of course, the results tell me that a huge number of my blog visitors... are apparently a bunch of horn dawgs who don't know how to dance to Madonna's Get into the Groove and Peter Gabriel's Shock the Monkey to the beat of their own... hands. Wow, plus a whopping 24% attached to their iPods... Well, that makes 34% + 24% = 58% who are slaves to the Rhythm Nation. She bop, he bop, do wop. It all makes sense to me now.
The 19% for Urkel... tells me that those readers are either strange, highly tolerant of annoying personalities and/or very practical. Well, Urkel is a smart nerd who can probably figure out how to get you both off the island (or get you off, if your iPod's battery dies out and you're really desperate) and food-wise, counts as 3-weeks of Silence of the LambSpam munchies.)
And the low 9% for books? OK, it means I'm going to have start including more pictures in my entries... and less words (double spaced). If I learned anything from Psych 101, it would be Sigmund Freud's pleasure principle and Maslow's hierarchy of needs (apparently, many of the respondents are very much focused on their... lower nether regions needs). You = Food + Sex... which explains why food and porn sites are so popular on the Net.
Uh yeah, while y'all go and rush online to order your OhMiBods and iBuzz Twos, I think I'll stick to my sexy icombi AH10 Bluetooth wireless stereo headphone for my iPod. It's perfect for shutting out the real or virtual voices of people I don't want to hear. Excellent noise cancellation.
Yeah, go ahead... dance. Do the iPod Shuffle. Do your iPod Shuffle. But I warned you about possible electrocution. (Yes, some wily entrepreneurs out there will probably create many different versions of the iBuzz Two: Him-Him, Her-Her, the eco-friendly Al Gore, Krispy Kreme donut flavour, Magic 8-Balls, the nifty glow-in-the-dark, in different shades of fuchsia, lime, orange or hot pink, solar-powered, IKEA-Assemble-Your-Own, the Mass Orgy Rave iBuzz 10+, and the Super Fitness SeXercise Xtreme.)
Alright, my lovely readers... Massa P will be off MSN Messenger and e-mail for approximately 2 or 3 weeks and possibly ease off or quit blogging altogether (well, it depends on inspiration... i.e. working on a new layout and re-tooling writing focus). I'm beginning to hate the negative aspects of blogging - unfriendly comments and e-mails from complete strangers... which of course, y'all never see on my blog because it's called "I can censor you-know-who-you-are, if I want to, asshole." Very tiresome.
So I'm disconnecting and connecting to reality. I wish y'all peace, love and kisses.
Share the music. Share the love.
Adieu for now, 
Massa P aka "fruity"
want some fruity karma? please bookmark this, 
about this, and subscribe to the full RSS feed OR e-mail feed.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom Pow, 3rd Blogiversary, Vote for Ria
Girl, Interrupted: My Vote for PBA Bloggers' Choice Award
Smashing Pumpkins Today: Cookies, Cheesecake Pie, Donut, Ice Cream, Muffin,
Reindeer Games with Christmas LOLcat
That iBuzz looks cool! Haha!
I knew it, fruity! Most of your readers are pervs! Ewwww… Hehe!
Damn! Those head phones look cool! I like the fact that it has buttons on it! If you were to press it, you would look like some cool secret agent, especially if they're hidden with your hair. Kewl!
Whew! Sarap. LOL!
Napadaan lang at medjo matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakapagblog.
Ingat…
I can't remember where I saw it, but there's a proper vibrator for the iPod now! It vibrates in time to the music and it goes in the headphone socket and it's battery powered! It even has a cover to make it more penis like! Lol! (And it's pink!) Oh and it comes with a pink leg strap to put the iPod 'accessory' in!
It was on a blog somewhere. I'll find a link one day!
Whoah, that Bao Xishun is no Brad Pitt. Does the world's tallest man also have the world's longest… schlong?
Because I'm thinking that's the reason why women were lining up outside his Inner Mongolian hut! Size does matter?
Haha! I read about that quite awhile ago while on the hunt for an actual vibrator.
I thought about it then decided I didn't want to relate music to sex anymore than I already do.
You really thought about the possibilities didn't you? That Mass Orgy Rave iBuzz 10+ should be very interesting…
But those headphones are much more schexier.
Oh good grief! That's wild. Technology, as you can see, is going super far nowadays. It's funny enough they have those vibrating bullets for women that no one can hear or see… The commercial was funny, lol.
Darn. I just got here and you're already leaving?
The icombi looks cool. I saw it in "Call for Help" (we get delayed broadcasts here).
You can't quit now. After you got us hooked, that would be be heartless…
Errr… maybe I'd get one.
You started reading "Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return" on March 19? … and you haven't finished YET? P, it's an teensy weensy graphic novel that can be devoured in a few hours!
Hmmm, is that a spicy clue-bit? Clue-age? I say, "Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a pistol." Swan song, my ass.
I'll have sex with myself then. And heck, I can get either a regular vibrator or a dildo, right? Harhar!
And haha, I was just going to tell you that we need sex — Maslow's hierarchy of needs! If I have food on a deserted island, I'd die full. But if I have sex, I'd die happy. Full vs. happy. Of course I choose happy!
Oh I'm back and I've missed you!
You've once again struck an intense passion in me with your posts. Usually it provokes extreme hunger. This time, a little different. *runs away*
LMAO! The things ppl come up with to make money.
Wow… nice headphone! Size does matter doesn't it?
I would need human interaction - but Urkel might be pushing that. The OhMiBod looks really neat, almost worth trying, haha.
So your blog's swan song is a plug for musical / electronic… ummm plugs?
Tsk Tsk, I am sure some German nuns in the Philippines are saying, How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? Sheesh… the hills (and some other parts) are alive with the Sound of Music.
Well, enjoy your return to reality.
P.S. "… olorum morte narratur flebilis cantus, falso, ut arbitror, aliquot experimentis" — Pliny the Elder
Yowza, that has the potential to be really dangerous!
I was not yet born when you ran the poll…
I would have chosen food…
I'm new to reading, but PLEASE don't stop blogging! That was the most interestingly written blog post I've read in a while.
And yes, sex definitely sells. Though if I had an iPod, I'm not sure that's what I'd use it for.
Kinkay!
Another testament that sex sells.
I'm sure testing those gadgets is a "pleasing" experience. Hehe.
It looks interesting! Lol! I wonder how this toy sounds like…
Kiss
Fendi
Wow I like your Bluetooth headphone. It looks hot and fashionable too!
Hellllloooooo Max. Wow, you forgot the best iBuzz version ever!
Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty! Hello Kitty!
YOU CAN'T QUIT! No rest for the wicked, remember? REPEAT AFTER ME: "I SHALL RETURN."
A big OMG! Are you serious? They actually have this? What were they thinking? And the testing of this product must've been a riot, really.
And no blog quitting now, fellow seahorse. Let the bastards be bastards. Who needs their opinion, anyway?
Fruity and Oaty!! You've joined the sex bandwagon post and are making me hornier than ever. Hahahahahahahaha ewww.
I swear I just wanna get my hands on that stuff, especially your wireless iPod headphone!! It's soo spiffy!! Is it only available where you live? Because I haven't seen it in the Third World nations I've been to. Hahaha.
Lol, I'm honored to be mentioned in this post!! But the sex part is (not about being overly taboo)… is that I just wanna know how a guy feels when… okay you know. Hahaha.
Dude, you can't quit blogging! I need my twice-weekly reads of long cryptic wickedness. This entry was extra crispy. Lol.
But P… you forgot to mention these iBuzz versions:
- Fortune Cookie Dispenser which is similar to the Magic 8-Balls
- Cigarette Lighter (a smoke after schex?)
- Cylon Detector
- Fresh Meadow Air Freshener (for that fresh Spring smell)
- Jack Bauer 24 (a schex tingle that lasts 24 hrs.)
- Firefly / Serenity Novelty Souvenir
- fruityoaty Logo
- Software Load Testing Tool
Happy April Fools' Day! Wait, "quitting"… is this your April Fools' gag? Quitting, not funny.