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My friend reminded me that 2 days ago, Mar. 14 was Happy Pi Day. Pi Day is the celebration of Pi (Greek letter ), that funky symbol for the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. You know, 3.141592653589… (Do you know your Pi shit backwards and forwards?) Truthfully, my nerdy friend challenged me into barfing up this post, lame as it is. Sigh. But Pi, ho hum, we’ve been there, done that and so, today you get pineapples!

One thing is certain about Pi Day, mostly nerds (suffering from extreme lack of sex) celebrate this day by doing and eating stuff that tastes, sounds, feels, smells and looks Pi-ish. For example, these dudes will scarf up pine nuts, pies, pizzas, pitas… run 3.14 miles and other silly things. V-v-irgins, the whole lot. Like a v-v-v-virgin, touched for the very first time. Yeah kidding, Ponyboy (YOU). Peace. Go ahead, nerd it up.

But I digress… pineapples. Being a Filipino (otherwise spelled as Pilipino), I know that the Spaniards introduced the pineapple to the Philippines many years ago. Since then, the Philippines has become the land of Dole and Del Monte and after Thailand, it is the 2nd largest pineapple-pimping country. In fact, the Philippine national costume by decree in 1975 is the “barong”, an embroidered formal garment (usually made of piña cloth — pineapple fibre) which dates back to the Spanish colonial era. Legend has it that the barong sprung from the ingenuity of a highly repressed society. Back in the day when the Spaniards were the masters, all Filipinos were forbidden from wearing any imported fabric. Oppression + defiance led to Filipinos creating their very own piña fabric. (Crap, this post is getting lamer every second.)

Growing up in Canada, the word pineapple was the bane of my existence. You see, my parents bestowed upon me a middle name that some stupid mean kids turned into “Pineapple”. Granted, it was a lot better than “Anna Banana”. (Poor, poor Anna.) Naturally, that name stuck until high school (new faces, new traumas, a fresh new hell). Fast forward to Architectural Design class (first year of University), a younger Pineapple asleep at the desk while Instructor Cool Gay Asian Dude says, “Architects often draw inspiration from nature yadda yadda. Did you know that math appears in nature? For example, Fibonacci numbers appear in pineapples blah blah.” Obviously, I was asleep throughout the yadda yaddas and the blah blahs, so don’t expect a frakkin’ explanation of Fibonacci numbers in pineapples. Anyway, I remember thinking, “Why the f**k would anyone want to live in a pineapple-shaped house?” Little did I know that one day, Mr. SpongeBob SquarePants would be living in a pineapple under the sea. I was so wrong.

Oh, and then there’s the Filipino folklore of how the pineapple came into existence. I heard this story from my Mom a few times. One upon a time, there was a little girl named Pina. She was so lazy and disobedient. When her mother asked her to do something or get something, lazy Pina would lie and say that she couldn’t find such and such to accomplish the tasks her mother had asked her to do. One day, the mother exclaimed, “I wish she had a hundred eyes!” Later on, Pina was playing in the garden, fell face down and could not get back up. Her face started growing roots into the soil. She evolved into Mutant X Pineapple. Despite being a lousy daughter, Pina’s mother took care of her Lil’ Mutant X and fertilized her frequently.

Gee, I wonder why my Mom likes to tell that story? It’s clear to me that the moral of this story is: a mother should never wish that her daughter would grow a hundred eyes because those capricious pagan gods might actually turn her kid into a big pineapple freak with many eyes.

Speaking of eyes, after 5+ years, I finally got new, much nicer eyeglasses! Today, I picked up my eyeglasses with “Transitions” lenses (clear indoors and magically turn sunglass-dark brown outdoors) with “EasyClip” polarized magnetic clip-on shades (grey tint) for those extra sunny days. Oh, the frames are steely grey-purple (hmm, sorta like this blog, actually). While I won’t be seeing life through rose-coloured lenses, I can finally SEE AGAIN. Yes, this entire post has really been about my new eyeglasses (sure it is). Everything else has been an illusion.

NEWSFLASH March 17, 2007 Filipino Blog of the Week - 2nd Place:

Pretty please, hop over to this site (scroll down on that page - the poll is on the left side) and continue to vote “fruityoaty” every day for Filipino Blog of the Week for Week 48. Congratulations to gwapasila (Lutchi) for capturing Week 47 #1 spot with 112/308 votes (36%) who also remains in the battle for Week 48. Well-deserved! (See, I can be gracious in defeat.)

Thanks guys for putting me in the #2 place with 77/308 votes (25%)! You guys rock! Because I placed in the Top 5 with the highest votes for Week 47, I get to battle for Week 48… so it ain’t over until the Fat Cat sings.

What do you get if you vote and I win Week 48? Undying love? Cash? If I win… then I hit the “Publish” button for a yet unwritten entry tentatively titled, “I Am Not a 30-something Gay Man”, otherwise my pretties, it stays in the kitty litter forever. The title is inspired by noteworthy comments and e-mail from loyal readers. (Paulie, Paulie… I Really Am Not a Gay Man.)

Adieu,

Ceci n’est pas un fruity

P.S. Note to fruity: When taking photos of fruit in an Asian grocery store, remember not to draw the attention of suspicious Chinese grocery clerks. Also, next entry - less lame, more fruity.