fruityoaty.com

Hey dudes! Massa P has recently been told that “Talksmart” over at The Composed Gentleman has added my blog to a weekly poll contest pitting 10 lucky blogs to battle for the so shiny title of “Filipino Blog of the Week”. While I am honoured just to be nominated, I’d rather win Week 47. At the very least, give me enough love votes to remain in the contest indefinitely because the poll is refreshed weekly - 5 blogs with the highest votes are retained and the other 5 are dropped. Show me the love! Vote for Pedro!

Since I’ve already lost almost 2 days of shameless self-promotion (and a number of votes), pretty please vote for me NOW on as many computers with different IPs. You can vote EVERY DAY and each vote is tracked by your computer’s IP address. Let my Grade 1 Math teacher, Miss Fernandes the Abusive Ear-tweaking Old Bat explain to y’all the twinkly magic of math (of course, minus the ear tweaks, head slaps, eye glares and scolding):

BEAUTIFUL SHINY YOU = 1 Computer = 1 IP Address = 1 Vote Per Day
1 Computer with Unique IP Address x 5 Days = 5 Votes
2 Computers with Unique IP Addresses x 5 Days = 10 Votes
5 Computers with Unique IP Addresses x 5 Days = 25 Votes

For example: 1 Computer @ Work or School and 1 @ Home and so on… Are we clear? Umm, if those numbers are wrong, it’s because the Old Bat gave me too many head slaps for not knowing the answer to 5 x 5 in Week 2 of Grade 1. Now, you may be thinking, “But you’re a software tester trained to break systems! Surely you would know that it’d be so easy to cheat by spoofing / forging an IP address, using a proxy, going to websites that allow you to surf anonymously or even writing your own script to vote multiple times, etc.” (Trust me genius, deleting cookies won’t work.)

Because, duh, why would I admit that I know how to cheat if I intended to cheat? Besides, cheaters are only cheating themselves and I ALSO HATE ALL CHEATERS. Friends, DO NOT cheat for me. The poll is only all for fun. Instead, let me tell you WHY you should Vote for Pedro, yes legally…

BTW, to vote, hop over to this site (scroll down on that page - the poll is on the left side). Anyway, are you guys familiar with the ferocious Hindu Goddess Kali? According to Wikipedia, Kali is often depicted as having “… four arms and hands. Two of these hands (usually the left) are holding a sword and a severed head. This signifies that in the end she will kill everyone — no one can avoid her as mortal death. The other two hands (usually the right) are in blessing, which means her initiated devotees (or anyone worshipping her with a true heart) will be saved as she will guide them here and in the hereafter.” Kali’s devotees, called Thugees (where the English word “thug” comes from), went around strangling their victims by throwing a yellow scarf or Rumaal (symbolic of Kali) around their necks, and then robbed and buried them… supposedly, to worship her. Uh-huh.

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I mean, wowww… Wouldn’t that just make the most awesome Halloween costume? It’s the stuff that nightmares come from! Yikes! A necklace of bloody severed heads? And hellooo, use some hair conditioner and a comb!

Both benevolent AND murderous… Umm, clearly, Kali was one bitchy, bad ass, BI-POLAR deity. Soooo, I’ve been thinking, if I ever did want to start my own Cult of fruityoaty… I’d never ask my fruitees to kill for me… or give them yellow scarves because yellow smacks of Big Bird. Oh yikes, a fashion faux pas, Mon Dieu! Purplish… raisin is the new pink, dahhhlings!

To wrap it up, remember to scoot over to this site every day and *VOTE* fruityoaty, otherwise… fruityoaty will be dropped from the list (just like at birth). And if you kill for me, I will totally disown your ass and disavow all knowledge of your fou…wl Big Bird deed. But remember, think purple.

Now, sing with me loudly… Red Hot Chili Peppers - Kali-fornication.

Adieu,

“All your fruitees are belong to us.”

(Yes, all bad grammar and typos are always intentional here at fruityoaty… because glaring crap detracts from an even bigger problem - lack of good, interesting, useful content. Uh-huh. Kisses.)