fruityoaty.com

Oh, the things I’ll buy just to get quirky photos for my blog, LOL. Anyway, a big Happy Chinese New Year’s shout-out to everyone who celebrates it! Umm, if a bag of pork rinds offends you because you’re a pointy-horned, grass-eating vegan or if you happen to enjoy eating pork crackling and the fruityoaty brand of humour still eludes you, feel comforted in the fact that I didn’t post a photo of a whole roasted pig with a shiny, fruity red apple.

Although I was not born in the Year of the Hamhocks, my Mom told me that my baby baptismal party was a big feast, complete with a ginormous, golden “lechon” (whole roasted pig). Not surprising as most (non-Muslim) Filipinos like to celebrate special occasions with lechon. Filipinos LOOOOVE pork. A lot. WAAAY, A LOT. A Filipino vegetarian is a rare species, indeed.

To find out if you were born in the Year of the Pork Chops, scoot over to Wikipedia. According to Theodora Lau from The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes, Fourth Edition, p. 337, the following applies to you if you were born in the Year of the Bacon:

“The Boar is one of the most natural people you could ever meet. The original nice guy, winner of the “Charlie Brown” award, he will never hit you below the belt… He will be blessed with great endurance. He can work steadily on one thing at a time and with incredible patience… However, the Boar is equally known for his wanton pursuit of pleasure — and even depravity, when he gives in to his negative traits. Often, the saint and sinner in him are intertwined as he zealously pursues his objectives. Perhaps this is because he has a trusting heart and will rely on those he believes in to the point of being blind to their faults… He is quick-tempered too, but since he hates quarreling, he will end up giving his opponents the benefit of the doubt.”

On a different note (or is it?), I recently purchased a high quality, elegant spiral-bound 2007 GoreyRARE Engagement Calendar which features the wicked and witty art of Edward Gorey. Gorey (American author-illustrator, 1925-2000) had an unparalleled ability to convey a very funny, foreboding late-Victorian ambience in the brilliant crosshatchery of his line drawings. By contrast with his people, Gorey’s animals — dogs, hogs and reptiles of indeterminate variety — seem sane and benign (just like real life).

The original price was CDN $19.99 + tax, but I purchased it (the last copy, too!) for $3.00 + tax at HomeSense store. It contains 32 little-known works by Gorey. Each image is printed on its own heavy-weight page. Many of the drawings have not been previously published anywhere. No, I wouldn’t dare to deface it as it’s just a weird collector’s item for me.

One of the rare works in the calendar is of this image of two large pigs and a tuxedoed man, all three drinking champagne under a big, yellow umbrella:

You know, it struck me… if I wrote in Mandarin / Cantonese, I’d get a wider blog audience… Well, you know, 1 billion+ Chinese out there? Case in point, this freely downloadable song called “Song of Pig” by Xiang Xiang has apparently been downloaded over 1 billion times which makes her China’s most popular Internet pop star. Translated in English:

“Pig, you have two holes on your nose
When you catch cold, you are snorting
Pig, you have black eyes which we cannot see beyond
Pig, you have two big ears
And you cannot hear that I’m cursing you silly
Pig, you have a curling tail which you cannot run without
Pig head, pig brain, pig body and pig tail
You are a good baby who eats everything
Everyday you won’t wake up till noon
And you never brush your teeth and you never fight”

Umm, yeah… wazzup with that, ehrr… popularity?! I mean… 1 billion+?! I need to write a Chinese song, fast! Lemme call it “Song of fruity”. (Jude, my friend, care to translate?)

Ehrr, Happy Chinese Year! Toast. Cheers. So, who among you were born in the Year of the Oinker? If so, does Theodora Lau’s description of a Boar snugly fit you or is she totally way off? Talk. Sing. Squeal. Oink.

And if you didn’t understand this *edited* post… don’t worry because neither did I (on both the first and second edits).

Adieu,

fruity red apple