Have you ever seen a thicker slice of raisin bread toast loaded with that many raisins? It's as if a truck carrying a cargo of Hershey's Chipits spilled gobs of chocolate chips on my breakfast plate. (Yes, this entry should put to rest doubts as to whether I can rise to new levels of cryptic absurdity. It's always good to have a goal, hmm?) First off, I want to say thanks for all the comments on this previous whiny speech. I thought I'd write a new entry before that one racked up more kisses which would force me to split up comments into pages to prevent long ass scrolling and carpal tunnel syndrome amongst you lovelies. More truthfully, it'd mean unnecessary effort by yours truly, Slacker Spice Girl. Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want (sing with me) - a vacation from fixing all the bugs in my blog. Updating to WordPress 2.1 has landed me with some unwanted presents. A pain in my proverbial ass. Ouch. 
So, right about now, you might be thinking, "Raisins? Eh, random, much?" Well, not really. If you knew me, then you'd know that I simply don't do random. I'm quite precise in my strange musings. 
Anyway, I have this theory that when a person of the blogger species has zero inspiration to write, he/she will fall back on these 5 tried and true stinkers, ehrr gems:
- His/her pet or someone's pet. If the blogger has trained the pet to write the blog, so much the better! I've lumped talking about your family, friends, friends with benefits, significant other, STD partners, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife and illicit lovers in this category. The only difference with the latter (humans) is that you're less likely to turn into a senile, lonelyOLDgirl15 with only 20+ smelly cats to keep you company while you "rage, rage against the dying light".
- Feelings, whether emotional and/or physical in unholy, excruciating detail. If you're a blogger, you've probably committed this offense at least once. Please, if you're going to lifelog your feelings, do it with style! "I feel sad" or "I feel sick" just doesn't cut it! "I took a razor and cut out my eyes", now that's an eye-opener! Unfortunately, all eyes will be open including yours. Incidentally, that's exactly how it is, each time I'm forced to see any flick starring Jessica Alba.
- Moan about how you have no time to blog or got nada interesting to say... throughout the entire post! Pssst, if you really have no time or no blog ideas, then don't write anything at all. See, simple?! Or you could eat a Krispy Kreme. Or stop breathing, but scarfing up KK's would be more enjoyable. And don't cut out your eyes, emo boy.
- List all the dull things you will do or have done lately, in grocery list fashion. I call this type, The Itinerary Blogger where said blogger writes about his/her mundane daily activities: I ate ____, I had sex (hopefully, with someone other than yourself), I saw this movie, I listened to this horrid song, I watched this TV show, I killed Jimmy Bob, I bought this ____, I wore white after Labour Day, blah, blah. Often, these bloggers will mention other people's names... as if they expect the poor, unsuspecting reader to know who Jimmy Bob is. In itself, there's really nothing wrong about blogging about that stuff, if the writing was remotely well done and compelling. For example, DO explain why you killed Jimmy Bob. What did poor JB ever do to you?!
- Write about the weather. For example, "Damn, it was cold today. It was so cold, Jimmy Bob froze his nuts off. Yes, it was so cold this morning and wow, it was even more colder tonight. It snowed a lot... and then it snowed some more! So, did I mention how cold it was?" Basically, that weather babble is equivalent to when people having nothing to talk about in the elevator or at the office water cooler, etc. and rather than being silent, Jimmy Bob and Mary Sue lightly chat about the weather. If your readers wanted to know about the weather, they'd watch The Weather Channel. (Kidding!)
HONOURABLE MENTIONS: internet memes, ranting about your workplace and co-workers (resist.resist.resist.the.job.rant)
I'll be honest and confess: so far, I'm guilty of #1, #4 and definitely #2, but while I have written about my feelings, I always aim to gloss over the boring real details. I CARE A LOT about my readers. 
And since I have vowed never to write about the weather... you, dear reader, get to read about... the much maligned, glorious sweet raisin in the sun. Uh-huh.
TRUE RAISIN TIDBIT: Did you know that in ancient Roman times, you could trade two (2) jars of raisins for one SLAVE BOY? Google it, if you don't believe me. Now, 2 jars of prunes would get you... very regular.
So, if I've got 20 jars of raisins, that would buy me 10 slave boys (preferably the sort who looks hot), n'est-ce pas? (Yes, my Grade 1 math teacher, Miss Fernandes wouldn't tweak my ears.) We here at fruityoaty do shallow well. Actually, I'm not all that fond of raisins (except in some desserts and waxy, chocolate-covered Glossette bits), so I'd probably give them away.
Join me another time on my new "The Breakfast Club" series, as I wax poetic about... breakfast... which technically sort of falls into #4 in the list, but it could be the new, fresh fruity #6. Yeah, whatever to you too.
Say Anything? Yes. No.
Adieu,
Massa P aka "dry purple fruity"
P.S. Fess up now, but even if you are a repeat offender LIKE ME, remember... The Almighty Powerful Raisin loves y'all... well, most of y'all. Except YOU. BTW, if you didn't get the drift that I'm making fun of myself here (not other people), I'm telling y'all now. Hey, if you want to use your PERSONAL blog to vent and ramble, go ahead. Just remember, you're leaving a digital trail (search engines have a big cache of drivel)... and years from now, when your future employer Googles you and reads about your 18-year old self doing and saying God knows what, your future self will be singing a different tune. My point is, don't ever write anything you'll regret later on. Peace. LMAO.
want some fruity karma? please bookmark this, 
about this, and subscribe to the full RSS feed OR e-mail feed.
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom Pow, 3rd Blogiversary, Vote for Ria
Girl, Interrupted: My Vote for PBA Bloggers' Choice Award
Smashing Pumpkins Today: Cookies, Cheesecake Pie, Donut, Ice Cream, Muffin,
Reindeer Games with Christmas LOLcat
That thing looks so delicious! I would substitute some chocolate for raisins probably!
This page actually makes me hungry. Wow. Look at all those. Uhm… I wonder if I could buy slave girls with raisins? Lol. I have a great spring ahead!
That toast looks extra tasty.
Now you have my mouth watering! After looking at the picture, I just noticed how hungry I am!
Ooooh that piece of toast looks yummy! *tries to steal it*
You hit a lot of nails on their heads.
I just got tagged by a meme and I was thinking of tagging you too in retaliation, but I guess not.
What do you think?
Anyway, tnx for dropping by and I want to link you up. Is that ok with you?
LOL. That is quite possibly the best piece of raisin bread I have ever seen. Seriously. It's making me hungry. ACK! Now see what you did - now I want some raisin bread. EVILNESS. LMAO.
I'm sure I've done at least two of the things on that list, but that won't stop me from envying your raisin bread. I especially hate the Itinerary Blogger, especially if that Itinerary involves the minute details of a school day. I know you were at school all day, you don't need to tell me that at 7:50 am you went to homeroom, at 8 am you had first period (Math with boring old Mr. Loomis is a beeeyotch!) and so on. I have no idea how to comment on those, except to say I'm sure Mr. Loomis has no idea he's teaching such unappreciative whippersnappers.
Hey P,
I admit proudly to commiting many on your list - mainly #1 and #2. I would suggest these may be the Rules of Blogging plain and simple.
Inspired may be in the readers' hands.
You have been tagged by me!
Because I love your site… You can be pretty random! 
Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!
I love raisins! And that looks delicious. Love that list as well. I think the only reason why I take so long to post an entry every time is because I have to follow those rules. And even when I do, I bore my readers anyway. LOL.
That toast looks yummy! I love cinnamon raisin toast myself. Almost looks like a Texas slice… thicker than the normal toast.
You're getting me hungry, lmao. I haven't had breakfast yet but I'm about to now. Thanks. =P
And yeah I know, most of the time when I blog it's in the evening just before I go to bed or whenever I feel like it and have some free time.
Lmao at the theories. xD It rings true with most bloggers yea. I may have been guilty with some as well, but still… I just write what I think. I don't like the whole 'story-like' stuff. With some entries it's fun, but still. Guess I just don't think much about what I write, when I write.
Btw, you seem like a happy person. =p
Ok, that bread looks SOOO good.
I think I'm most of the bloggers on that list… not the dog one though… I'm way too lazy for that. I put too much detail into things… don't try to… it happens. LMAO.
My mom used to buy me raisin bread all the time when I was little because she thought I liked it. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I picked out all the raisins before I ate it and pretended it was the best.
I could have sworn that this blog entry was different 3 days ago. Like Sun-Maid raisins turned to Hershey's Chipits. If you claim precision, then this substitution of chocolate for raisins has some meaning. Which I suppose is linked to your "Opiate Effect: Chocolate Coffee Brownies & Chocolate Rice Pudding" blog entry. Hmm… either I'm losing my memory or you are code talking again.
Which leads to the conclusion that you have uncovered a conspiracy in which… Ouch! Can't talk… just been stabbed. Contact Amelie and Forrest Gump, they will know what to do.
Signed,
Jan Kissami
Damn, that is one delicious looking piece of bread!! That's an interesting little list of germs you got there. Thing is, blogs are just that, personal blogs, journals, whatever you want to call them, venting places. So if people want to talk about their life, their day, their whatevers, what's so wrong with that? Though I agree, it would help if they made it somewhat coherent and meaningful so our eyes don't glaze over and we have nothing to comment on heh.
It's been a long time since my mouth had one raisin cake but I like raisins on my cereals.
Wowww. I read some of your past entries and you're a freaking genius. And that raisin thing looks delicious. Take care!
Woah, that's big… I mean the slice of bread, LOL. And also loads of raisins and I love raisins. Just the one in the box. If it's in bread or other food, I hate it. Yea weirdo, haha… I didn't know that 2 jars of raisins could be traded for 1 slave boy. Hmm… interesting.
I love reading your blog entries. I really do. *worships your greatness*
Blog content is very subjective. What can be boring to one person can be very inspirational to another!
The raisin toast inspired me to eat breakfast this morning… Mmmm, yummy raisin toast!
I don't think you're the only one having trouble with the new WP… I know I'm not (not that I know of), but there are also other bloggers.
I'm not a big fan of raisins… and definitely not in bread. So… heh, I am guilty… of all 5 things. =( Is that bad? Hehe.
Ugh, I'm guilty of doing all of those, :/ most recently #5. But I'm boring so I'm entitled to write boring blogs,
though I do have one remotely interesting draft in my WP. About raisins, actually. Go figure… I actually like raisins except if they're in some sort of desserts and such. 
Lol, this was an interesting and fun read.
You're really a great writer. I'll definitely come back!
I'm not sure if I've blogged about any of those, at least not after I re-opened my site, but I have done the job rant a few times… Expect a new one on Monday because I'm working this weekend, lol.
I don't like raisins that much but my mom does… Hehe, whatta blog subject… hehe, great.
Oh my god, I think I just orgasmed. Nothing in the world trumps raisin toast and butter.
Raisins. I actually like them. So, I must say, that piece of toast there looks right delicious.
You're a fantastic writer! And I'm pretty sure I've done #2 and #4, but when it comes to mentioning people… I have a friends page so they know at least what the person looks like and hopefully from the entry, they can guess my association with the person. I try to keep things mostly as impersonal as possible, but lately I've failed to do that so horribly. I couldn't have possibly failed it more. But oh well.
You have a great blog!
I've probably done all but one of those on your blogging list. I'm not an emotional blogger type, so I think I skip that one. But, I try to make my blogs interesting… *shrugs*
That raisin bread looks so tasty! I'm not a big fan of raisins, but I'd definitely eat that!
That is one very raisin-rich bread…
Hmmm… I think I'm guilty of #2 to #5 plus the memes.
I'm not a big fan of raisin bread, but if it gets me a slave boy or two, yeah bring it on… I could use a slave in the house…
I love raisin bread, although I've never seen a piece that thick and that loaded with raisins!
I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head with your list of things NOT to blog about.
It was very interesting. I'll try to remember those things! Heh.
LMAO! THAT LOOKS SOOOOOOO GOOD!
No! No raisins for me please.
Haha, that's just plain wicked! I absolutely love the list, although I've probably done all those five. I think. I hope not. :p
Wow!! That is the most amazing thing I've seen in a long time, hehe. I'm on a diet, so that looks simply sinful, lol.
Wow, that is a big ass piece of raisin toast. Crazy randomness, you had that part right. Also, nice list of random blog subjects to do when your mind is blank. Haha.
That picture looks amazingly delicious.
Work sucks. We should start a club.
I love raisins. And I think this is awesome. You've got a nice pic.
I never liked raisins but that just looks divine.
The Breakfast Club? It's more like "Say Anything".
Or are you casting gay dancers for the new Raisin Chippendales? Ooh, pick me, pick me! I've got booty. I've got muuuuuusic. I've got rhythm. Who can ask for anything moooooore?
Remember my name (Fame)
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly (High)
I feel it coming together
People will see me and die (Fame)
I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame (Fame)
I'm gonna live forever
Baby, remember my name
Remember, Remember, Remember, Remember,
Remember, Remember, Remember, Remember
… AND FADE TO DRAMATIC BLACK.
It is Howard Hughes, John Hughes and LANGSTON HUGHES in one! Bloody clever, Massa P!
A Raisin in the Sun
What happens to a Dream Deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
P.S. Don't supernova on us and turn into a black (Krispy Kreme donut) hole.
Are you invoking Langston Hughes or John Hughes? Or possibly Howard Hughes… I wonder what one can get for two jars of… oh nevermind.
Good luck with your essay for Mr. Vernon.
Signed,
the non registered
I thought those were chocolate chips! I don't particularly like raisins, but if they can get me a cute slave boy, I'll take them all the way! XD
Been guilty of #3 myself.
Absolutely brilliant.
Jimmy Bob had sex with Mary Sue who was my girlfriend and that's why I killed that bastard! I don't feel any remorse.
I traded 2 jars of raisins for Jessica Alba. It was also damn cold today, but I warmed up with Jessica in the new bed we bought.