My friend recently had asked me how she could insert emoticons into her comments to my blog posts the way that I had done so in my posts. I told her that WordPress already has built-in functionality to convert character smilies like ":)" into the graphical image counterparts to which she replied, "Ummm, then I'd have to memorize all those character codes." Miss Lazy caught me on one of my "nice" days and inspired me to install WP Grins Lite plugin. After a couple of minor hacks and several "ohhhh's" later to get it to work, I told her, "Knock yourself out - pollute my comments section with silly yellow circles." Yes, admittedly, I am guilty of smiley overuse, but I do try to restrain myself because they're very distracting, break up the flow of reading and frankly, I think using them is sort of lazy for a writer. How hard is it to write, "I am a twisted, psychotic yellow circle"?
Come to think of it... some of my regular readers who comment on my posts need a "smiley overuse intervention", ASAP! People, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Get help. The first step is overcoming denial. Mark Day, a bald Scottish standup comedian and video maker who lives in the U.S. said it better than I could with the following YouTube video:
I used to work for this software company run by a humourless owner / manager who never once used a smiley (whether text or graphical) in any of her correspondence (whether formal or not) to me or my co-workers. I exchanged a huge amount of correspondence (quick e-mails, proposals, research papers, status reports) with her on a daily basis. One day, after 2 and half years of working in that funeral parlour / military zone setting, I received an e-mail that contained one solitary smiley from Ms. No Smiley. It slightly freaked me out and I suspiciously wondered what had prompted this break in protocol. I stared at that one grinning smiley for a long time. Unholy, I tell ya. (What's the smiley for vexed and perplexed?)
I transcribed the audio of the video for my sister who apparently reads my blog only in her workplace which doesn't have computers with sound (probably to dissuade slacking off which apparently didn't deter my sister, hahaha). Note to self: change domain name so that sis won't find blog.
If you send a lot of e-mails using a smiley face, I'm here to stage an intervention. I don't like the smiley face and I'll tell you why. I didn't learn to read and write so I could communicate using a crude system of pictograms. If I wanted to do that, again my time machine can go back to ancient Egypt. And if you use the smiley, you should probably come with me because you probably worship cats. I'll show you how using a simple scientific proof:
"The number of smilies you use in an e-mail" TIMES "the number of times you claim to LOL when you didn't" OVER "the number of times you use an exclamation mark when a period would have done" EQUALS "the number of cats you'll own in old age". Fact! You can Google that later.
(Disclaimer: no cats were harmed in the making of this clip... they were, however, fed...) This video has been supplied for parody purposes only. Scientifically speaking, the number of question marks you use in a row is also a factor as is a family history of mental illness.
One last time:
"Smilies" TIMES "LOL" OVER "exclamation mark" EQUALS "cats"! It's known as the T.S. Eliot equation.
I think Mr. Day might be on to something true... I have 2 cats, Max and Lucky (well, Lucky is actually my neighbour's cat, but he hangs around us so often that he is "unofficially" ours). On average, I use maybe 3 smilies per blog post... so Mr. Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats' formula kinda makes sense. Hahaha! Again, YOU & YOU &... YOU - seek help ASAP!!!!!
This is probably my first blog post where I haven't used one single smiley. 
OK, I lied!!!!!????? LOL.
Adieu,
Massa P aka "fruity" twisted psychotic yellow circle!!!!!????? LOL!
want some fruity karma? please bookmark this, 
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LOL!!!!!!! That is so funny! Yeah, people are stupid. They use smilies too much! They'll own lots of cats.
is the confused one, BTW. 
LOL, that was funny, but I bet it's not true. Some people just like cats, LOL. Yo, I wouldn't use this smiley 'cause of the intervention thing, but it looks funny! 
HAHA! LOL!!!!!! So yeah, I think the equation is wrong, but the T.S. Eliot thing was funny 'cause of that cat book thing. Oh, and I saw his other videos too, like the iPod one, which was funny and sort of ironic 'cause I just bought myself a little iPod, LOL. 
LOL, I just realized I'll have one cat when I'm old. Wow, I didn't realize I use so much stuff, but still only one cat! But it's probably not true 'cause I don't like cats. I probably won't have any.
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
= CAT FARM!!!!
I love Mark Day. I've seen all his videos… I especially love the one about the U.S. and the fence border for Mexicans…
Funny shit…
P.S.
I'm sorry, I'll never use smileys again…
@Iva: Yes, THANK YOU, I did get it. I have since given your fixed file to someone else and on behalf of THAT person, thanks again. Sorry for the server issues. I wasn't able to get my e-mail for approx. 1 week because of host issues and upgrades.
@Em: Methinks crack, baby
Yellow circles, satisfied?
@Pedro:
Wrong. Right. Too much. Too little.
@Hodges & Paulie sitting in a tree: Love ya both right back.
@Serph: Thanks for the comment. Yes, you are in denial
and so am I!
Gotta say that I don't understand that guy's sense of humour, but, as I have said in a comment on someone else's blog, I am sick of people who LOL at the beginning and the end of each sentence, so he might be right!
Also, might be a good place to ask this…one month ago when I emailed you that script change, it bounced back 5-6 times…since you thanked me for it, it means you got it in the end? Your email server kinda hates me.
Hey Massa P, ooh, yellow circles. Oh man, methinks that "Pedro" dude got you figured out… Hodges, for once I actually agree with you.
No need to be perplexed or vexed. I believe the current model of terminators (sorry, I mean right-size-inators) were upgraded with the ability to mimic human emotions / humour to better do their job of killing Sarah Connor and providing a profitable quarter.
P.S. The equation is flawed. Cats ownage and emoticons usage is more accurately modeled with consideration to a positive feed-forward loop due to the high levels of toxoplasma gondii infestation amongst felids. Parody is no excuse for sloppy mathematics.
Of the 9 mortal men doomed to die (wraiths who are cursed to read a blog with questionable music), I probably know you the least and have yet to receive the fruityoaty decoder ring. But I would hazard to guess the message for today is: invariably to whether you are feeling better or not (though, much likely better), you would now like to be treated the same as before. Wrong? Right? Am I smoking too much or too little?
Signed,
570nm |z - c|^2=r^2
Paulie, I think "fruitcake" is really saying that behind that fruity twisted psychotic yellow circle faà§ade is another
twisted psychotic yellow circle behind another twisted…?!!??! HAHAHA!!! Love it! LOL!!!
Okay, I'm using my "fruityoaty / Massa P ciphertext"… this post really means you're happy again?
No more pity party of one? Eh? Tell ME, am I close? Getting warmer? LOL, funny stuff Massa P
LOL, yea, I agree with the smiley overuse. I only tend to use them to clarify the way I wanna say it. Even so, if I use them, I don't use the graphical ones, only on MSN but that's only one smiley. The angelic one. Further, I only use 'XD' or '=p' or -_-; and ^^ for that matter. Again, to clarify xD I feel like I'm in denial whaha. ^^;
And that story about your boss with the smiley, that's just too funny and scary for words. xD
LOL, this entry rocks, made me laugh. xD